New Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is here, N-quite-SFW

fifty shades of grey

The new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is here, and Beyonce is probably the best thing about it.

I know you don’t want to admit you wanted to watch it, but fuck it, we’re all in the same boat here.

The new trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey has been released, and everyone seems to be frothing over how NSFW it is, which as we all know is guaranteed to make you click. The only thing NSFW about this trailer is the fact that your boss might judge you as a person for watching the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer before secretly watching it at his/her desk, because the whole Fifty Shades thing is like a train wreck. You should, but you CAN’T look away.

Let’s just get this over with, shall we?

You know what I realised after watching it? You could close your eyes, and if it wasn’t for the heavy injections of star power and talent by a certain Queen Bey, you could be watching a trailer for any of the Twilight movies.

I mean, the girl’s awkward, mumbling, thick-with-badly-acted-sexual-tension voice? Bella.

Some dude saying: “My tastes are very…. singular.” AHAHAHA WE KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT BUT SHE DOESN’T, WE’RE IN ON THE JOKE, ISN’T THIS FUNNY? YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE IN FOR. – Edward.

“Let me in.” – Bella.

“No. I’m bad. I’m really really bad.” – Edward / MJ.

“Please, I NEEEEEED to be with you.” – Bella.

Shall I go on?

*May have paraphrased, didn’t want to watch it twice.

Sure, you can roll your eyes and move on with your life, but don’t forget. There’s another two movies to go. And you just KNOW they’re going to split the third one into two movies or something, because money drama.

See you February 14th. Or not. Probably not.

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Alex Bruce-Smith

24. Aussie-Brit mongrel. Writer, feminist, terrible cook. Struggles at life to the point where she once got on the wrong end of a train and ended up in Austria instead of Croatia. When she grew up she wanted to be an actress, author, astronaut, architect and in advertising, in that order. Now she writes about new bars and calls it "journalism".

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